artist, me!

Hey hey hey!  Just got another tube of oil paint, looking for that perfect version of brown, to highlight the seams modelled in the plastic 1/35 scale figures representing Soviet infantry riding a tank in 1944.  My latest diorama (in a Soviet phase I'm lately going through), the addition of these 'tank riders' really adds life, interest and scale to the whole scene.  A couple of pics;

I like how these two on the rear deck seem to be in the midst of a chat!

A thing with oil paints I've found is that they remain somewhat workable, even after a day or so, depending on how thick it was applied, even though with the careful use of turpenoid it can still be moved around on the model.

I got the idea from some magazines targeting we plastic model hobbyists; the paint thinned (90% turps to 10% paint) makes a really good wash to highlight the model's moulded detail; faces, hands, hatch openings, cooling vents, stuff like that.  There's quite a bit of artistic consideration to creating a lifelike face on these little figures; priming, basecoat, dark wash, highlighting high points (chin, nose, eyebrows), eyes (on a figure about 2" tall, those are toughies!), and sometimes hair (it's own challenge, believe me).  But when I get it the way I want it, I am certainly giddy and pleased.  I even giggle!

(It's an interesting thing, deciding when I'm done.  I could just go on and on, buffing and tweaking what I'm trying to present, but at some point I need to let it go; that is the trick to some degree because part of the fun is making many of these little vignettes, not obsessing about all the little details of one diorama that could ALWAYS be 'better'.)

There are other types of paint that can be used; various acrylics (these dry rapidly, and quite flat (non-shiny), compared to enamels), enamels (cover well, and work well to represent the sheen that flesh can have, and are super-durable) and then the oils.  Some modellers, who get really into it, even incorporate other types of paints (gouache, for example).

Some of these paints are identical to paints that I used a long time ago, especially the Testors brand, in their little bottles.  I'm so pleased I figured out that diluting them helps improve the quality of the finish; I can't believe some of the things I painted with this stuff at full viscosity!   Ah, gotta love the lifelong learning...  and then there's how I made the groundwork!   This one's taken me a couple of years, though not because I work on it real consistently; just when the hankering takes me.  Believe me, I can sit and sculpt for hours.

Hey! so.  This is a hobby of mine; I am a war artist.  I try not to model propagandist-style scenes (valiant warriors at an epic point in the midst of battle, say), preferring simple moments in time, like riding a tank to the next place, shooting the shit with your buddy.

I love my job!

So, I've got a bit of time, what with being at work tonight, so I figured I'd develop a blog entry.  Because I like this job!

This is my usual this time of week, Facility Attending at a local resource through which the Recreation Department offers all sorts of fun and interesting courses.  I am the go-to person for help setting up rooms, phone calls, first aid, security (ooh, security), and generally helping things go well and smoothly for the instructors and their clients.

It's not the most arduous job I'VE ever had, oh no!  When I arrive I have a few things to take care of (walk the rounds, set up the gym and various rooms, write up the whiteboard, plus plus), but from then on it's generally being greet-y and pleasant to all who come in.  Kind of like a host, which I am, because the building is, in effect, mine.  (I AM in charge, after all!)

This is my favourite part!  (The greet-y and pleasant part, I mean.)  I get to meet and be nice to all sorts of people who arrive at the facility.  I kind of have to be, what with monitoring who enters the building, but I don't mind.  It's totally fun!   I even get flirted with once in a while. :)

The courses that are held here are pretty artsy.  Dance (Nia, burlesque, line, Zumba, Capoeira, ballroom, to name a couple), watercolor painting, sports (basketball, hockey, jump-rope), and a couple of classroom-y things (computers, Spanish).  Occasionally the local PAC meets here, so I get to say Hi! to them as well.

One thing that is super-cool is that due to my multi-year history coaching the kids' mountain biking in the area, I bump into a lot of families I've met before.  I like this part; most of the time these people rarely see me in any other context than in muddy/dusty clothing, with a bike, so what often happens is that we're all pleased to connect on another level, me all tidy and dressed nicely, in an office.  Here tonight for example I have three young people (in sports) whom I've met before, through the biking.  'Tres cool', as they say in France.  Oh yeah, the guy who sells me my plastic model/art stuff's child is here too.  And a lady whose daughter really enjoyed a bike camp is in the PAC meeting in the library.

Of course there are rough spots, places where it's tempting to get grumpy.  But for the most part, I like this job.

Early November

It's been an interesting couple of weeks.  Turmoil to the left of me, upheaval to the right.  The path ahead? A rocky (ROCKY!) trail, where the only light (a comforting one, mind!) shines in the distance; this trail isn't smooth, it sure has it's rough spots (where the going is tough?) but that's no news to me; it has been said that the road to hell is paved with gold, and that is a thought that keeps me company when it gets a bit not-easy to follow my path.  An old etat-d'affaires, in my little life.  Thank fuck I'm an old school mountain-biker.

Ah, this time of year... a lot goes on for me this time of year.  My birthday is late October, as is All Hallow's Eve, an adaptation of an older time named Samhain, and I've never not known that.  This is my party-time, and I do my best to get out of my own way to enjoy the gift of life I got some years ago.  When the ghosts were near.

And then there is Remembrance Day, which I have a pile of respect for.  Here, check this out.  I even downloaded this to the iPod, but I don't think the 'kids' would find fun to listen to -



It's an interesting thing about me personally, this crazy contradiction within myself; I am at present organizing a paintball party for a local group of young people (know this! that they are almost all male), and at the same time, I can see that war is not a good thing.  One interesting thing that I have picked up in my travels and journeys, meeting and really getting to know many different people is what a woman, and elder in her context, a confident and well-spoken person with a proud and fiery Native heritage, is that she figured paintball-gaming was a good thing, that there was this way for 'boys' to work something out about their innate natures, without the disconnect from reality that video war-games allows.  One needs to really work hard! crawl in the mud! lie on your face! work as a team! to do well in a game of paintball.

Need I add that 'someone' (uh, Haliburton, Lockheed, Exxon anyone?) has figured out how to turn a profit on this propensity of young men to seek exciting things to do in the time they are on-planet?  Sometimes I think that we need to hunt our meat, to properly channel what young men find stimulating, exciting and rewarding, instead of getting them to hunt each other.  This world of comfort, once removed, where life takes on a critical and basic reality, is something I think young men appreciate; this life, without all the bullshit the popular reality suggest is our greatest achievement, our ultimate goal (think Kohler, KitchenAid, McDonalds, Mercedes-Benz and Bosch microwave ovens).

A thing that gets me about the embedded talk (via TED.com) by Deb Scranton is one thing she noted she became a close part of; a veteran's attempt to connect, who was confused about how to well handle what had happened to him in Iraq, around his part in the death of a child; and him a father!! for fuck's sake.  I would prefer there was no war, and I am brought to tears around this poor dude, who must have seen so few options to decide that enlistment was the best one for himself. Which in turn led him to a goddam tough place, and to some fuck's profit, to boot.

There is a glee and positive excitement! about this paintball gaming, such that I do not mind organizing this activity; there is a glee in the faces of the young men (mostly) who come out, that I must rest confident that this feeds them in a way the popular society does not; that they can leave the Field Of Battle (their testing ground), and not have blood on their hands.  I think it's a good thing to trust that glee, their grins, and their stories.

But if you could do this; greet a veteran (and they are no longer old men, which is tragic) and give them the opportunity to talk (with your attention, undivided!) about what they feel comfortable to talk about with you about their experience; that would be the world's greatest reward.  They could off-load some shit, and you might find a resolve to help end this waste of resources.

Soldiers!  Infantry!  My props respek (proper respect, btw), and best wishes for the world that you chose to achieve through your grievous sacrifices; may this come to be within our lifetimes, so that your efforts weren't in waste.

music with meaning

As earlier I mentioned, I like music that I can relate to my life, somehow.  (A friend told me once, it needs caution to try to relate someone else's art/poetry to one's own life, but I find it... comforting to see that others find similar challenges in their lives, and hear their stories.)  So this can be in terms of the music's energy (lately I've been powering myself around with KMFDM,) or lyrics.  When these two match for me, I'm REALLY pleased about it, and I'll tend to listen the 'shit' out of that piece.  Let me give you an example.  The poet's name is Bob Dylan.  (very exciting to share this with y'all... :)

"I married Isis on the 5th day o'May, but I could not hold on to her very long.  So I cut off my hair, and I rode straight away, to the wild unknown country where I could not go wrong.

I came to a high place of darkness and light, dividing line ran through the center o'town, I hitched up my pony to a post on the right; went into the laundry to wash my clothes down.

A man in the corner approached me for a match.  I knew right away he was not ordinary.  He said, are you lookin' for somethin' easy to catch?; I said I got no money, he said that ain't necessary.

We set out that night for the cold and the north; I gave him a blanket and he gave me his word.  I said where are we goin'?, he said we'd be back by the 4th; I said that's the best news that I've ever heard.

I was thinkin' about turquoise, I was thinkin' about gold, I was thinkin' about diamonds in the world's biggest necklace.  As we rode through the canyons in the devilish cold, I was thinkin' about Isis, how she thought I was so reckless.

How she told me that one day we would meet up again, and things would be different the next time we wed, if I only could hang on and just be her friend.  I still can remember all the best things she said.

We came to the pyramids, all embedded in ice; he said, there's a body I'm tryin' to find.  If I carry it out it'll bring a good price;  'twas then that I knew what he had on his mind.

The wind it was howlin' and the snow was outrageous; we chopped through the night and we chopped through the dawn.  When he died I was hopin' that it wasn't contagious, but I made up my mind that I had to go on.

I broke into the tomb but the casket was empty; there was no jewels, no nothin'!; I felt I'd been had.
When I saw that my partner was just bein' friendly, when I took up his offer I musta been mad!

I picked up his body and I dragged him inside; threw him down in the hole and I put back the cover.  I said a quick prayer and I felt satisfied, then I rode back to find Isis, just to tell her I love her.

She was there in the meadow where the creek used to rise, blinded by sleep and in need of a bed.  I came in from the east with the sun in my eyes; I cursed her one time then I rode on ahead.

She said, where ya been?; I said, no place special; she said, you look different, I said, well, I guess!; she said, you been gone, I said, that's only natural; She said, you gonna stay?; I said, if you want me to, yes.

Isis oh Isis, you mystical child, what drives me to you is what drives me insane,
I still can remember the way that you smiled, on the 5th day o'May in the drizzle in the rain."

I love this track!  Such a guy's story.  I really like the whole tale of the journey; I've even managed to memorize the tale and tell it to my classes in my own words.  As well, the way Dylan says the words, along with the simple (yet plaintively complex) music that goes with the song (titled "Isis", by the way) is great.  It gets me swaying, and all misty, and heartens me.

Something about it sure as hell works for me, so I am pleased to have rediscovered it.  Hope you find you can relate as well!

my name

An interesting thing I've just found; a strong case for the origin of my name!!  First, a word from old christian reading...

"Jephthah: whom God sets free, or the breaker through, a "mighty man of valour" who delivered Israel from the oppression of the Ammonites (Judg. 11:1-33), and judged Israel six years (12:7). He has been described as "a wild, daring, Gilead mountaineer, a sort of warrior Elijah."

So, if you're familiar with rules of pronunciation, you could easily see how Jephthah can turn into Jeftha... which I've seen LOTS of in South African phonebooks (that's where my people are from, dontcha know) and gravestones, as both first and last names.  A little bit more stepping-on by the colonizers, and an 'S' appears.  Voila!

The biblical connection is really interesting; it has often seemed interesting to me how black people in places where white people brought them (or chose to stick their noses) often enough adopt biblical names for their children... you might think about that, in the context of the colonization of a people, and the mollification of a pool of labour.

Now further research has me suspecting that the Jeftha name has a strong Friesian heritage!  The Friesians could be referred to as the 'Newfies of The Netherlands'; that portion of that country's population that is somewhat rural, and so ends up becoming the butt of jokes.  Every place seems to have one of these unfortunately so-selected groups (Appalachians, Surrey for Vancouver, Langford for Victoria, etc), so it's interesting that these people may have left Holland for South Africa, eh?   Interesting to me, at any rate.

Learning about my name has been an interesting occasional diversion of mine for a long time.  I am usually the only person with this surname in any place I am living!   And now, it seems I've got a bit better grip on where another side of 'My People' come from.

Never mind that Alexander 'interpreted' means 'protector of man'; the name itself is derived from Persia (and Greece, and Egypt), other spellings can be Iksander, Iskandr, Lixandru, Александр, اسكندر...

jobs+work

Had a great ride today!  We were out for fours hours total, of which three-and-a-half were spent on the move, be it biking or shoving our bikes up the hill.  This particular mountain has a mean south face that the boys wanted to beat their heads against.  I really like that about the Fish gang; they are eager to be challenged; how can I not support that?  As sHoRtBuS said, 'our normal is everybody else's superhuman'.

This is my favourite work in the whole world.  There's something about taking the kids out for a really awesome ride in the woods that I really like.  Being a virtually absolute resource, for issues from flat tires to splinting broken bones (and all that comes with that) is a really empowering thing.  I take it VERY seriously, especially in the light that it is by what I role model that I can impact the world in the greatest way.  As well, the metaphorical buck stops with me in the field, so I have to be serious about it.  It's very fun too!

I even manage to cover costs and buy a bit of food and fuel at the end of the day.  It is a challenge for me to charge a fair price (aka ensure that I am at least advancing myself) for how I best contribute to the world, but I like how that learning journey is going.  I've tried many ways, so I have a decent sample population to examine, when thinking about money for my services.

My first 'real' job was at Ralston Metal Products, aged 14?.  Basically a metal box factory, (fuse cabinets, fire hose cabinets, lockers) I hammered ceramic insulators off spot-welds, and hung the boxes on hooks attached to a moving chain, enroute the paint department.  At least that's the least I remember, and that's enough.  I did get pretty strong!  And I rode my bike there every day that summer.

I worked at a Magna Industries plant at Milton (a car parts factory), in the late 80's.  Actually a pretty nice place to work, me and my buddy Chris moved scrap, garbage, and waste die lube (eww) outside the building, painting, probably a few other things.   I got this job through connections (Chris' father was a lead hand).  Again, not bad (thorough work mind you, dirty and gross at times) work for high school aged people.  As well, my first experience as a unionized worker.

As a thoroughly mechanically-indoctrinated individual, I have made lots of money working with my hands.  I have laid out and poured a foundation, laid brick, done sheet metal work (and random auto servicing and repair), cleaned and repaired firearms (a job I recall fondly), roofed, painted and assembled furniture.

One job I really liked was the four/five months I traded room+board at a farm on Vancouver Island; I met a lot of great people, partied thoroughly, and learned a few things about farms, in general.

I have taught a lot.  I have coached mountain biking for many years, and I used to teach people how to be bicycle mechanics at a registered private post-secondary institution.  Ah, that whole bike thing...

Bike mechanics instructor, wheelbuilder, mechanic, coach, bike messenger, tour guide, tour (not of France) mechanic, program designer for schools and non-profits... geez, that list just doesn't seem as long as it feels sometimes!  And some of these things I still do.

And I have a professional driver's licence; always looking to upgrade that!  Keeps doors open, you see.

I never really cottoned on to the post-secondary education thing, and so that has meant that I've had to be creative and versatile in my work.  Which has really been an interesting way to be.

severe discouragement

oh my people,

Saw this movie the other day,... ok, I'll let you in. It's called In The Valley of Elah. (I never thought that's how it was pronounced!)

Wow. Oh my friends, what a depiction of how bleak a man's life can become, in that elusive internal way. I found it difficult to finish watching it; I suppose my proximity to lots of excellent young men, so full of life and potential that makes me sensitive to this kind of stuff.

One thing (out of a couple) that got me was the co-existing near total lack of connection and the desire for it. (The main character's wife has been with him for a long time, yet they never talk, but back each other still, it seems. He cannot listen to her; he is very solitary, but he does care about her; you really gotta look for it, tho'. The word 'love' comes up only once in the whole movie, written on the back of a photo the son mailed before his death. A married veteran kills his wife.)

And where there IS connection, it's a little twisted. Not much, but twisted. (People connect over scotch at 0900h, burnt bodies, other cruel practices.)

Now, I know I have some readers maybe, friends of mine from way back who were or are now involved in the military or such work...lifestyle? and I must say Thank You. You're in harm's way because you care. (I'd also bet that there are other things you like about it!) But if I were to care about you I'd be remiss not pointing out that taking care of you is important to me, and staying away from where bullets fly sounds like maybe a good start? (lol) Alright, back to the thing...

Oh my peeps, it's SO important that we rediscover how to be connected in a really human way.

(damn, battery getting low. I will return.)

what means, PuNk RoCk?!?

As a younger man, I considered myself a punk rocker.

Obviously not of it's first generation; I am not THAT old! lol

So, thanks to the people role-modeling it for me (you know who you are, people!) punk rock is ultimately tied to wide-world changing. At least in my head.

Check the lyrics of the songs, which we all knew SO well; 'Maggie', The Exploited. 'California Uber Alles', Dead Kennedys. (hell, almost effectively anything with/by Jello Biafra, see also the band named 'Lard', and his spoken word stuff.) Henry Rollins, especially his spoken word stuff, 'Institutionalized', Suicidal Tendencies. Crass. The Varukers. And more I can't think of just this minute. (Stay tuned, I might yet post a list of songs whose lyrics point out where the world is not what a young person would be pleased to settle for. Such as 'Birth, School, Work, Death', by I don't remember whom.) The dissatisfaction with the current state of the world was well expressed in these lyrics. As well as a fire that, at least for me, keeps at bay the crushing effects of the meek-ening world around me. Kind of hopeful, in all the rage.

(Never mind that the songs had kind of a funky beat, that I could really bug out to...)

So when I see this MOVEMENT of dissatisfied young people co-opted by the dominant society (check out all the faux-hawks these days, one inch high, but 5 inches wide and kind of shoved towards the middle for a pointyness 'similar' to a mo-hawk,) I gotta chuckle. See also how tattoos and that whole thing has evolved from a real 'pariah' status to where even grandmothers get them (in tastefully discreet locations upon their bodies; after all, it's 'still' a tattoo!)

All is well; people just don't wish to be regarded as non-unique, much as they feel uncomfortable standing out. But they choose what's 'alternative' en masse, and then the alternative becomes the norm, thus leading to the evolution of what it means to stay fresh and creative and truly alive in this world. Leading to some verry interesting manifestations. (See also, genital piercing... yowch!)

KNOW THIS! Don't give up my fellows! Make unconventional decisions for all your life, and be ready to adapt as little as you need to to accomodate what awaits. This is your journey, make it a good, fun, and rewarding one. You don't need to give up. Stay smart!

And do your very own thing.

motives

I was thinking, what am I hoping to achieve with this weblog? Well, a few things...

...one of my dearest lovers verbalized to me that I should write. Others (people in general, thank you very much) have said the same, so partly I'm just trying it out, see what comes of it. I must say, that same g/f also said that she liked how I spoke, that I should write as I speak. Okay! (I must say I too like my turn of the word.)

...I follow the blog of a good dear friend of mine from way back, and I must attest, I am gleefully able to keep up on their life's developments, and workings-of-the-brain. So, partly this blog can keep that transfer of information equitable, and as well lets them know about my life's developments and workings-of-the-brain. :)

...of course I hope to inspire the Youngers that read it! I have set up access so that a bunch of Youngers that I know can read it; here's to you! Semper Viva!

...to inform that circle about me of new information and thinking that I come across daily. There's a hang of a lot of good info out there that receives drat little exposure.

...and finally for now, it's good for my brain to extract this information and put it down and out there. Really good mental exercise.

(Not that I need it! Just a bit of crosstraining, really.)

inspired direction from a list

I have a photo album (paper of course, Luddite I am,) of my bike clubs, and on the back cover, I have a displayed a list of leadership qualities. They're very inspiring.

Somehow in my life I seem to have picked up a certain strong moral compass. This has lead me to adopt a few policies; one in particular is that the Older should be more mindful of the Younger. (I'm thinking that I got this somehow through whatever residual African cultural input my parents had, especially Dad.) One way that Olders can do this is by role-modeling the kind of behaviour that the world needs to see in order to make this the best place for every organism upon it; after all, actions speak louder than words, and the Youngers are definitely looking to their Olders for example.

"Make the World the best place for every organism upon it." Big goal! Probably won't happen too soon eh? But me, I'd rather help bail out the boat than punch more holes in the hull, if you get what I mean.

Here's the list, adapted by me (just a touch!) to more accurately reflect my particular perspective. I think that if enough Olders can manifest these in their lives that the Youngers can observe, it would be a good and species-advancing thing. I got the original version through a coaching course I took a while ago.

List of Leadership Skills

1. life-long learning - the desire to continue learning throughout life
2. emotional intelligence -a term that encompasses soft skills, focusing on communication and interpersonal skills
3. upward internal drive - the desire to keep excelling and learning
4. high energy level
5. self-awareness
6. self regulation
7. motivation
8. empathy
9. curiousity
10. commitment
11. ability to see the bigger picture
12. ability to learn from one's mistakes
13. leveraging others to work to their highest potential
14. looking at various solutions to a problem
15. working towards a larger vision based on shared values and goals
16. social skills
17. ability to take oneself out of comfort zones
18. honest self-assessor
19. ability ask for help
20. good listener
21. the ability to challenge the process
22. inspires a shared vision
23. enables others to act
24. integrity, walks their talk.

What a list! As I look over it, I am glad to see quite a few places where I'm doing great! but of course, I'm not pleased to settle for where I am right now.

That's it for now. Talk these amongst yourselves.

pursuant to the axes of oppression

So obviously, this has turned into an open letter. And that's OK! There might be something here for those of you guys really trying to get quality/close with a fantastic gal could use.


I just have been refining this thought in my head and would like to share it with you. I cannot think of a rational reason to not. Definitely some poetry here.

The axes of which I speak are metaphors. There is one in my hand; it's stuck and I do not want it anymore; my fingers are open but it sticks so well that it seems to those against which it was designed think I wield it with intention. I shake and shake but it won't come off! It gets in the way. I need to pry it off. Might hurt.

The axe you carry (in this metaphor) is what I think a woman in your perspective might; she's sick of taking it any longer. She'll swing at those who wield their swords against her, and is no longer looking for clear targets. She's pissed off! (I see it as 'being mean'. I do not know how you see it, but I have forgotten little of what you have told me over time. I have an idea that you know.) You might see this axe as... well, I don't know, but men sure sure bring it out, all of them. Goddam men.

I carry one of these axes (it's stuck to my hand!), and I stand by while it sets the fury off; I will withstand the hacks (that's what you & I do, we hack at each other, unawarely) because I know 'kind of' what's going on, and try not to forget who's really there. It still hurts, tho'. (not REALLY, these are METAPHORICAL axes)

I don't think that we're happy or pleased about this; imagine, if we just decided to lay down our axes, what we would do with our arms?

It is important to remember that we don't want these axes; I have it still stuck to me, and you'd like to put yours down, but you can't, not right now.

I am fairly certain that these silly words 'peace and harmony' are more what we'd like around each other.

(Maybe I'm just a flake! Or a stupid man.) But I'm sure I'd like to get this fucking ax off my arm.

Alex


this is one thing that has been churning my brain for a bit. enjoy! xo

my mission from god

I am a mountain biking coach and guide who specializes in young people, and it seems primarily boys... heck, they are young men... are who I interact with mostly.

(It is not that I do not allow females to join us (a close female friend regularly joins us, and shines through whatever the ride throws us), it simply seems that a girl often end up being the only one who signed up. But I have a plan...)

Re: the mission from god... as I have alluded to earlier, as an activator for social change, I believe that young people (who are the future) can use only the finest quality information to create the world they'd rather have, as I believe that the one we have right now is not as grand as it could be. I encourage them to honour that which I trust they know inside, which is the difference between confusing irrational behaviour and thinking, and not-so-confusing, 'we are all friends here and now' behaviour.

(Mind you, the world is essentially fine, but the degree to which low-end thinking takes prevalence in creating our communal realities is, for me, a bit alarming, and disappointing. I just can't stand by!)

I am not so different from these boys. A long time ago I would have appreciated help with all the confusion I saw in the world around me & support to understand it was 'certified crap'; I am now that person I sought a long time ago.

How do I do this through my programs? I pick my battles. I let boys be the intrinsically team-oriented energetic lively zestful people they are, and if low-end thinking or behaviour comes up, I do my best to thoughtfully interrupt it. "Low-end thinkers" (such as bullies and racists) aren't bad or stupid, please do not misunderstand, it is that they might not appreciate the effect of it on the people around them, or they might be acting something out... which doesn't help anything improve over time.

I have seen and heard of many places and instances where my input has resonated; in older boys with their little brothers, in boys around girls, with girls developing confidence in & enjoyment of physical activity (especially 'boys' sports, in this case), and so I am certain I am on a good track.

It's fun to role-model a team-oriented, energetic lively zestful man! The kids sure take to it as bears to honey, and their parents sure like me too.

confusion? sucks.

I'll tell ya, confusion sucks.

Now, I'm not the clearest thinker out there, but I think that there are a lot of people out there who believe that women are genetically predisposed to take care of people, nurture, etc and quote vague scientific studies to support their perspective. I think that they are confused, and help the human race advance little by promoting their illusions as reality to the young, who might actually be looking for real information.

I think that anyone can do what they really want to do, without limitations.

I think that women can do what ever a man can do (save being pregnant etc), and that if they seem to accept that they are 'genetically predisposed' to some sort of 'female' behaviour they have been brainwashed.

At times (more than I like to think is the case, Holly Go-lightly that I am,) some people's perspectives have a certain conviction that relies on my faith in the speaker's intelligence to be believed. And it is tiring to have faith in fools. (Do they really believe what they are saying, or should I do a whole lot more writing-off than I already do?)

As well, I am really tired of listening to certain women (giving them good attention, listening to what they have to say, because they are smart) only to hear Shit. I cannot believe at this time in the world that women still believe that men and women are intrinsically different, with differing brands of potential. Feels like the 1800's. Or early 1900's. Or the '50's...

Hear me now! Men and Women have the same intrinsic potential, and if we lived in a more respectful and encouraging world, we'd see that very clearly.

I like to look to the Israeli military, where when the chips are down and bullshit takes a long walk off a short plank, women are given ample opportunity to show their leadership potential and kick some serious ass. They even lead men, and have large expectations of respect from them.

By the way, this also means that men can be good listeners, can offer a lot to the raising of children, and are able to cry. Among other things.

I am tired of wasting my time with those of (or worth) little hope.

simple self surgery

Today, I removed a sty from the outer corner of my right lower eyelid.

I made sure to have a quiet area, and a sterilized, VERY sharp hobby knife. (I build plastic models as a favourite pass-time, and I well know how sharp they are!)

Watching my breathing, and telling my housemate to not jostle me(!), I flipped my eyelid over a Q-tip, exposing the sty. A bit of a nick started the bugger out, a bit of pressure with another Q-tip, and voila, out came a little amber orb, solid to the touch (not fluid filled), about 1.5mm in diameter and a bit of blood, which I rinsed away with a tube of saline solution. (I am a mountain bike guide in another house of my life, and have quite the first aid kit.) In order to prevent any kind of further irritation (ie, conjunctivitis) I well irrigated my eye with another vial of saline.

It was so easy! Of course, it required a lot of focus and an appropriate setting (ie, on a city bus, I don't think so. And I am reminded of the baseball player who, while cleaning his ear with a Q-tip in the dugout, lost his hearing on that side when jostled by a team mate... OUCH!!!)

But, would this have been something to take to a doctor? Maybe... but then, what would people have done a time long ago? "You could have poked out/cut your eye!" some might say... but I have a steady hand, which I trust. And with my hobby, I know I can focus on fine detail work.

If one was pressed, I believe one could even pull their own tooth, but I'd rather pay for that service (& the anesthetic).

I have some history of self-care. Once, after having been bitten by a dog, I, assisted by the owner of the mutt (concerned as she well should have been), cleaned out the wounds. In a similar vein, after crashes off my bike, I seem to be able to get myself to a place of safety (ie, off the road, or back to the car, depending on the situation) before taking the time to check myself out. I have a well-developed sense of preservation, methinks.

Once, I had a slight stab wound in my wrist. I waited in Emergency for quite a while
for professional attention, which amounted to surgical tape to close the cut (8mm long, 8mm deep about). Tape for geez sakes!

My knee surgery was another example of simple mechanics. A ligament was 'harvested' and placed so as to keep my knee from moving inappropriately. Now, the operation was WELL beyond me of course, but the theory was dead-simple; reinstall a component of the body in order to prevent excess movement in another. Simple mechanical sense it makes. At an elevated level, I allow.

As for what I did to ameliorate my eyelid's discomfort? Not for all, but fine by me.

Sexism? Sucks!

I hate sexism. Let me fill you in on this...

I have found that it is really getting in my way when it comes to getting to know women better, and to have them as good close friends.

(Before shallow people get into the gutter frame of mind, I am simply talking about having great people appreciate me for my qualities, instead of writing me off because I am a male-type human being.)

Yup, I have discovered that there are a few really smart, really neat women who I like and am fascinated by, who really can't notice how much I care about them, because their experiences with men previous to me has undermined their faith in the other gender's ability to think about them.

Pisses me off. The next time a guy starts in with that s---, I will have to straighten him out. For example, how would he like someone to discount his mother's or sister's potential because of their 'nice tits'? Or even their daughter's.... ....

I was so surprised (and upset, to be honest) to find that a long-time friend was not able to recognize, despite over ten years' worth of decent input, that I am harmless and without malice. Because I am a man. (I couldn't believe it! Kind of stopped me in my tracks and looked at things from a woman's point of view around sexism... well, as best as I ever could.)

I have known for a long time (thanks to my mother, a dark woman from South Africa, a very intense lady) that men weren't always very considerate of their womenfolk. Probably not much in that country, actually. (Ah, the tales a South African lady can tell her son...) At an early age I have tried to be as thoughtful as possible around all sorts of poor behaviour a man can exercise... I have not, nor likely will ever be, a saint, but I try to be considerate, and interrupt as much poorly thought out behaviour as I could, both of mine, and others.

Guys, do not fall into this trap that is so well laid out for us. In order to be truly with women we would really rather be around (other than pink powder puffs with no backbone, who have been overwhelmed by the messages originating in sexism, that are so easy to see around us all, all the time) you'll... ahem, WE'll have to work on this.

Or be fated to never really get to know our loved ones.

Are you 'in'... or 'in the way'?

ha ha hahaha !

Well, I'll tell ya.

This is very exciting. A weblog of my own design. I wonder what the future holds.

I am constantly inspired by a good friend of mine, and I must admit this project (like I need another one) was inspired by her. BUT...

I am also reminded of one of the local mover-and-shakers of the local bike industry's (I live life on (or by) the bicycle) enthusiasm about weblogs. It was interesting to me to find that this individual (who has mass respect from me) believes in the 'blog.

And to find this guy's thinking is also reflected by thisold-time friend of mine... well I just had to get on the boat!

So, I have quite a bit to figure out yet, so this will be the end of this note... for now, of course.